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Methodical Life

How awkward…

It’s been a minute since I have posted something new on my blog and it kind of sucks that my 100th post has to be devoted to this, but hey…what do you do? Went to the gas station to put a little gas in my car. After doing so, the machine asked if I wanted a receipt…well, of course I want a receipt because I received a rebate offer on $50 worth of gas and I have to send in receipt copies. So anyway, I wait and wait, and nothing happens. The machine is out of paper and this requires me to go into the gas station. No big deal, right? Well, it kind of is. See my father decided to start working at this particular gas station. This is a man whom I rarely see; last time I saw him was a little over a year ago and he lives right around the corner. While I have truly forgiven him for the crappy things he has said to me in the past, during my parent’s divorce mind you, I still feel a bit awkward around him. This is the same guy who has yet to visit his other two children, my brother and sister, in several years. I feel for them, especially my brother because he really hasn’t had much interaction with my dad. So when I see my dad, I feel awkward because I think to myself, “Why won’t you come to the house and see the your youngest children?” I’m not angry, just perplexed at the way he is able to stay away from them, but live right around the corner. I just wish this feeling would go away because I love him, his my dad, but I guess there is so much water under the bridge. I can forgive but it so hard to forget things and I suppose I’m afraid to trust him not to hurt my feelings again. I never question where my trust issues come from…it started there. Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. We all have our issues and I suppose once I get past that hurdle, other areas in my life will be clearer…



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Oh what a day…

September 2009
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