While watching VH-1 this past Sunday, I saw something interesting. On La La’s Full Court Wedding, Alani (aka La La) met with Tyrese Gibson (eye roll) for lunch. Apparently he is her good friend. Anyway, they sat and discussed the upcoming wedding and Tyrese thought this was the time to approach La La about her lack of married female friends. According to “Black-Ty”, Alani needs friends who are wives and less single friends. This wasn’t the first time I hear the sentiment that married women can no longer, or should no longer, have single friends. When I was younger, I thought that idea was odd, but my consideration went no further than that. However, I now have friends who are married, soon to be married, or discussing marriage with their significant others. So this kind of hit close to home now. What’s the problem with being friends with single women, if you’re a married woman? Actually, I this question of everyone: what’s wrong with married people being friends with single people?
Now, I can’t speak for the fellas, but I think that when we women have true friendships among ourselves (I’m talking about a real sisterhood) it would be extremely difficult to sever ties. Maybe I’m personalizing this too much, but the idea of no longer being friends with the single friends in my inner circle seems impossible. I think that I would end up resenting my husband *shrug* and I would expect some resentment from him if he were asked to leave his single friends behind.
I’ve seen comments about why a married woman would have to disassociate from her single friends. Some say that married people and single people can no longer relate to each other; in a way, I can agree with that. I imagine that there will be things that occur within marriage that I may not be able to understand, or relate to, so there will be a shift within friendships. But so what? Friends don’t discuss everything among themselves; I suspect that some go to the grave carrying some bit of information that never saw the light of day. Maybe married people and single people, who are friends, won’t be able to discuss everything; that is no reason to write off a friendship.
Another more likely reason married women are told that hanging with single women is a no-go has to deal with trust. I saw a comment that basically said married women should not associate with single women, especially if those single women are “whorish”. Hmmm…something about this rubs me in an unpleasant way. A married woman shouldn’t stay friends with a woman who has sex with whoever she wants, when she wants? Why? Because this behavior is contagious? *eye roll*
Marriage is a huge stage in life. I would think that having your friends around, giving their love and support, is a major necessity (and that’s for life, in general). Assuming your friends have been there with you, for you, throughout the good times and bad, how much of a douche can a guy be to tell you that you have to separate yourself from your friends because their relationship status on Facebook is “single”? How much of a doormat can you be to agree to tossing aside friends who, no matter their promiscuous activities, have been there from the beginning? Can someone explain this to me…like I’m a five-year old?
- 5 Reasons Why Married Women Should Hang With Single Friends (clutchmagonline.com)
- Single v. unmarried (timesunion.com)
- “La La’s Full Court Wedding” Premiere Episode [VIDEO] (hellobeautiful.com)
- So falling in love costs us friends? Good – most of us need to cull (independent.co.uk)
- Why Friendship Matters More Than Ever As We Age (lifescript.com)